7 Signs the Honeymoon is Over by Karen Phelps
#1 UNDERWEAR In the early days you wouldn’t have been caught dead without a sexy g-string while he favoured boxers sporting an expensive label. Now you’re more likely to be found wearing comfortable cotton knickers while his favourite boxers have emerged and (because the crotch has worn away) bear a startling resemblance to a skirt. The clincher is that you both no longer care.
#2 BODILY FUNCTIONS In the beginning you strove to give the impression that you were both rare human beings that didn’t emit any disagreeable by-products. You couldn’t go to the toilet at his house without first stuffing toilet paper down the bowl or turning on the taps to muffle the sound. Now both of you are happy to carry out bodily functions in each other’s presence. You no longer make an excuse to leave the room to pass wind and he no longer feels the need to close the toilet door.
#3 GRAVITY At this stage of the relationship everything seems to be attracted downwards and stays there. Dirty socks and grundies are magnetically attracted to the floor. Ditto damp towels after he has a shower.
#4 PERSONAL SPACE What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine is now the mantra. He used to treat your space with respect now he never makes the bed, there are hairs on the soap and you suspect he is even using your toothbrush.
#5 TOILET SEAT The toilet seat was always put down. Now when you wander sleepily into the toilet in the middle of the night you are jolted awake by the sensation of cold porcelain and just about fall down the bowl.
#6 WEEKENDS He no longer asks you out on dates - it is now assumed you will hang out together at weekends. You most likely spend Saturday nights watching DVDs rather than dancing at some hot club. If you do venture out the front door it is to go to the movies where you now have to pay for your own ticket and popcorn. Afterwards when you are both home and in bed the activity you are most likely engaged in is sleep (that is if you can fall into slumber despite his snoring).
#7 GROOMING Gone are the days when he used to pick you up looking groovy. Now he prefers to carry out his personal grooming routine right in front of you. When you are both watching TV sadly you are more likely to be hit by flying toenails than butterfly kisses. If you’re especially lucky you may even be roped in to squeeze a particularly hard to reach pimple on his back.